Plus-size romantic leads are hard to come by these days, at least plus-size romantic leads that have interests outside of diets and whose main personality trait is not “forgive me for being fat”. For that, I will always applaud Bridgerton’s Penelope Featherington.

I appreciate having a complex non-skinny romantic leading lady (I have a bit of an issue with calling Penelope “fat”, although I will use the word to make a point; she’s visibly larger than her costars, sure but she’s not fat by any means and her body type would’ve actually been the preferred silhouette at the time!).

Fat women—like Penelope is made out to be—are complex: we want love, we’ve been ignored, and we can be the best of friends and the worst of the villains all at the same time. We are insanely talented and have hobbies and interests. It’s almost as if (gasp!) we’re actual people. Who would’ve thought?

In Nicola Coughlan’s portrayal of the youngest Featherington sister, we see a fat character with depth and layers that we, as viewers, get to peel off and sit with, however uncomfortable those layers may be. Penelope is, sadly, one of the few opportunities that larger women have of seeing well-rounded (pun intended, obviously!), accomplished characters on the screen, whose lives don’t revolve around obsessing over their weight or body size or finding a husband who will “put up” with their fatness.

Plus-size romantic leads are hard to come by these days, at least plus-size romantic leads that have interests outside of diets and whose main personality trait is not “forgive me for being fat”. For that, I will always applaud Bridgerton’s Penelope Featherington.

I appreciate having a complex non-skinny romantic leading lady (I have a bit of an issue with calling Penelope “fat”, although I will use the word to make a point; she’s visibly larger than her costars, sure but she’s not fat by any means and her body type would’ve actually been the preferred silhouette at the time!).

Fat women—like Penelope is made out to be—are complex: we want love, we’ve been ignored, and we can be the best of friends and the worst of the villains all at the same time. We are insanely talented and have hobbies and interests. It’s almost as if (gasp!) we’re actual people. Who would’ve thought?

In Nicola Coughlan’s portrayal of the youngest Featherington sister, we see a fat character with depth and layers that we, as viewers, get to peel off and sit with, however uncomfortable those layers may be. Penelope is, sadly, one of the few opportunities that larger women have of seeing well-rounded (pun intended, obviously!), accomplished characters on the screen, whose lives don’t revolve around obsessing over their weight or body size or finding a husband who will “put up” with their fatness.

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She knows she’s a catch—even if the rest of the Ton doesn’t seem to agree with her—and for that alone, she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Because of this multifaceted portrayal of a fat woman, we get to see both her “good” and “bad” sides. We all have those not-so-great parts of our personalities, and I for one am glad that the good, bad, and in-between of a fierce fat woman’s character is being shown so notoriously.

Related: Our theories on who Bridgerton season 4 will be about

That being said, I cannot stand the girl. I know we’re supposed to root for her—especially because this is her season—but try as I may I simply cannot get past the hurt she caused Eloise. As I get older I realize that my friendships with women are the one thing that has kept me sane through it all. For most of us, men have come and gone; we’ve had our dance cards filled with suitors whose names we can no longer remember.

Try as I may I simply cannot get past the hurt she caused Eloise. As I get older I realize that my friendships with women are the one thing that has kept me sane through it all.

We’ve gotten each other through breakups, miscarriages, cheating scandals, divorces, weddings, depression, work promotions, graduations, new businesses, motherhood… Of course, I’ve written about them at length, they play such a big role in who I am as a woman and they have been present in all the big moments in my life, but it’s always with their consent and input; they always get the final word on what can or cannot be used in my writing. As a writer myself—a fat writer who’s felt like an outcast for a big part of her life, just like Penelope—I cannot fathom the idea of using the knowledge I have on any of them for personal gain; at least not without including them in my ploys.

Sadly, I have been where Eloise is (and Marina was in season 1): I have been the friend who gave her all and trusted a so-called “closest friend” and confidante only to have that trust and love used against me. No matter how much I wanted to be excited about Penelope and Colin’s love story, I simply couldn’t get past her previous transgressions.

It wasn’t just what she did to Eloise, though. Throughout the series, she’s demonstrated that she’s not someone that can be trusted. Her betrayal of Marina, her betrayal of Eloise, that scathing “review” she wrote about Collin on S3E1 when she was angry at him… The girl has a track record for lashing out and using her powers to crush those closest to her rather than to help them navigate the complexities of being a member of a gossipy society such as the Ton.

How can she be trusted not to turn on those around her and use her Lady Whistledown power to hurt more people anytime she’s angry at someone? After all, if she’d been so careless with her soulmate’s (I believe our friends are our true soulmates) love and trust, could she really be trusted with Colin’s? Is someone so manipulative, untrustworthy, and self-absorbed really deserving of the attention of one of the Ton’s most eligible bachelors? No, not in my opinion.

I like seeing fat characters as romantic and sexual (fat women love sex, too! The carriage scene in episode 4 led to a very hot FaceTime call with someone I probably shouldn’t have been texting again, but the Bridgerton influence was a strong one) leads in mainstream media. Hell yes, give us more of that please! Watching Penelope and Colin’s friendship and eventual proposal unfold on my screen healed that old fantasy of mine—the one every fat girl has and is forced to push deep into the darkest nooks of our minds—of ending up with my male best friend.

Do I think Penelope deserved to get the guy and have her happy ending (again, pun intended)? Absolutely not. Penelope deserved spinsterhood, or at least not someone as kind and caring as Colin Bridgerton. Not because she’s fat or ugly, as the Ton seemed to consider (who would actually believe Nicola is anything but absolutely breathtaking is beyond me), but because she’s just not a nice person. I will die on this hill—but also, I can’t wait for part two. Can it be June already?!