Welcome, dearest gentle reader, to the back half of Bridgerton Season 3. This author certainly felt the month-long hiatus would never end, given the events of that Episode 4 cliffhanger. Answer something for me: did you get a jolt early on in the carriage scene when you realized it was a Pitbull song playing, or did you — like my childhood bestie — respond to that query with “there was a song playing?” Regardless, however many times you rewatched that finale, watched TikToks about it, or had a meltdown over it, we’re finally here now, as Episode 5, “Tick Tock,” opens with Colin (Luke Newton) and Penelope (Nicola Coughlan) dealing with the consequences of that life-changing carriage ride.

Following Colin’s surprise proposal, Penelope says nothing — at least nothing we heard — but allows him to lead her into Bridgerton House. Lady Whistledown’s (voiced by Julie Andrews) narration gives some idea of where this is going, but we get to witness it in all its soft lighting, soft-focus glory anyway. In the drawing room, they find Violet (Ruth Gemmell), Francesca (Hannah Dodd), and Hyacinth (Florence Hunt), gushing over the sheet music John Stirling (Victor Alli) gifted Francesca. Colin announces to the room that he and Penelope are engaged, and most of the family reacts with joy and excitement — most, that is, because Gregory (Will Tilston) is disappointed that he’ll never get the chance to get up to bachelor shenanigans with his brother. And then there’s Eloise (Claudia Jesse), who looks like she’s been slapped. The whole family notices her stunned expression, but before anyone can say anything, Eloise storms off.

Colin tries to follow her, but Penelope tells him she’ll go instead. Eloise asks her how long this has been going on, and more to the point, how long Penelope’s had feelings for Colin. She quickly takes her question back, since she likely realizes that answer will make her question the nature of their whole friendship, but then tells Penelope that she can’t marry Colin. I know the laws of TV mean that this conversation will be secret if it needs to be, but Eloise, you’re standing right outside the door and shouting. She then hits Penelope with her most devastating question yet: does Colin know that she’s Lady Whistledown? Penelope begs Eloise not to say anything to him and promises she’ll tell Colin as soon as she finds the right time. Eloise agrees but tells Pen that until Colin knows the full truth about her, there’s no way he can possibly love her.

Colin and Penelope’s Engagement Takes the Ton By Surprise in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 3, Episode 5

Penelope is quickly joined by Colin, who obviously didn’t hear the yelling as he asks her what happened — he’s a better sibling than me, I would have been eavesdropping. Pen brushes it off as just Eloise being upset, and Colin apparently no longer cares why they had a falling out, and just accepts the explanation — he’s a better sibling than me, I would have pressed for answers long before this. Emotions are running high left and right, and they’re about to run even higher, as Lady Whistledown’s latest issue is about to hit the streets, and she’s got the exclusive scoop on the engagement.

While most of the London-based Bridgerton family was around to hear the engagement announcement in person, one member was noticeably absent: everyone’s favorite directionless second brother Benedict (Luke Thompson). He wakes up the next morning in Tilly Arnold’s (Hannah New) bed and is surprised to find that a sophisticated lady such as herself has Whistledown’s column delivered. I bet you also think romance novels are “unrealistic,” don’t you, Benedict? Tilly rightfully puts him in his place, then coyly suggests he checks out the latest issue for himself. Over at the Featheringtons, Portia (Polly Walker), Prudence (Bessie Carter), Phillipa (Harriet Cains), and her husband Albion (Lorn Macdonald), are listening to Prudence’s husband Harry (James Phoon) reading the latest issue out loud as well. The gentlemen are amused, but the ladies of the family are all shocked.

Lady Danbury (Adjoa Andoh) and her brother Lord Marcus Anderson (Daniel Francis) also learn of the news over breakfast. She tells him that she didn’t have anything to do with setting this up, but she is happy by the turn of events. Her happiness is short-lived, however, when another bit of news catches her eye. We don’t find out what it is right away, but it presumably has something to do with Queen Charlotte (Golda Rosheuvel). Her Majesty is in a bit of a tizzy over the latest issue as well, imagining all the creative insults Whistledown will throw at her now that Francesca is clearly not interested in the Queen’s selection for her, Lord Samadani (David Mumeni). However, the reporting merely restricts itself to stating Francesca’s preference in suitor, with no mention of the Queen at all, and for once, she looks happy to not be the center of attention.

A couple more Bridgertons are about to be London-based once again, as that morning sees Anthony (Jonathan Bailey) and Kate (Simone Ashley) returning to town from their extended baby-making vacation. Kate looks nervous and turns to find Anthony staring at her. He denies having any impure thoughts at the moment — what is it with these Bridgerton boys and impure thoughts in a carriage? — telling her he’s just appreciating the view of his wife and future mother of his child. Looks like the trip was a success after all! The man is ready to start hollering the good news out the carriage window, but, fortunately for Kate, decides to refrain. Instead, the two arrive at Bridgerton House ready to share the news, only to have the moment diverted by news of Colin’s engagement. Between that and Benedict walk-of-shaming into the house, Anthony looks ready to burst a blood vessel until Kate neatly deflects into congratulations for Colin and Penelope.

Colin Finally Confesses His Feelings For Penelope in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 3, Episode 5

Image via Netflix

While the rest of the family celebrates, Eloise heads to Cressida’s (Jessica Madsen) to vent about this turn of events. Despite efforts to prevent such a spiral, Eloise has concluded that the only reason Penelope wanted to be friends with her at all was to get close to Colin. While Eloise might be the great reader of the family, one thing she cannot do is read the room. While she rants, Cressida only looks more dejected until she at last cuts in to tell Penelope what’s bothering her. As she’s been unsuccessful in securing a proposal thus far, Lord and Lady Cowper (Dominic Coleman and Joanna Bobin) are in the process of arranging a marriage for her to Lord Greer (Richard Durden), a man who is shockingly old, but unfortunately not old enough to leave Cressida a widow anytime soon. To her credit, Eloise apologizes for her ranting, and the two try their hardest to make the best of the situation, though it’s clear neither of them believes it.

Back at Bridgerton House, Anthony and Benedict grill Colin on his sudden choice of fiancée. He tells them that he’s always felt something for her, though hadn’t realized until recently exactly what those feelings were. As sweet as the sentiment is, he also confesses he hasn’t actually told her any of this because the betrothal itself was… ahem… very swift. Fortunately, Anthony is fluent in fuckboy and realizes exactly why the two of them needed to get engaged that quickly, though as Benedict points out, he can’t exactly duel his own brother over someone else’s honor. I guess technically he can, but they’re engaged anyway, so no need. Besides, it’s not like they got around to… completely compromising her. Yet. With his brothers’ blessing, and without the threat of pistols at dawn, Colin heads out to tell Pen exactly how he feels.

But while the mood at Bridgerton House has been mostly celebratory and congratulatory, the same cannot be said across the square. Penelope finds Portia in the drawing room, looking very upset indeed. She’s upset she had to hear about the engagement in Whistledown, and when Penelope tells her she didn’t really feel like sharing her happy news with her, Portia then scoffs at the idea of the news being “happy.” And you wonder why she doesn’t want to tell you anything, Portia? Her reasoning for being so upset doesn’t make much sense. She accepts the news of the engagement as true but chastises Penelope for not going with the more “secure” prospect that was Lord Debling (Sam Phillips). Penelope fires back that Colin cares for her, and Portia counters by asking if he’s ever told her that he loves her. In a society where girls are constantly told that friendship and care can blossom into love, why on Earth does Portia think he needs to love her right at the outset, or it’ll never work? Debling didn’t say he loved her, so why is it an issue now?

Her thought process continues down a confusing path when she reminds Penelope of how the Bridgerton family treated the Featheringtons when Marina’s (Ruby Barker) marriage scheme was uncovered. If she were merely hurt by their treatment, that would be understandable, but then she turns around and accuses Penelope of trying to entrap Colin by similar means. The man himself arrives just in time to hear the accusation, much to Penelope’s embarrassment. Portia tries to brush off the comment, but Colin won’t let it go that easily, telling Portia he proposed to Penelope because he loves her, and soundly putting Portia in her place before escorting Penelope out.

Though very short, this scene is worth noting for the resemblance it bears to a similar scene in Romancing Mister Bridgerton. When it comes to long-form adaptations like this, which hop from one medium to another, it is obvious that some changes are required. Sometimes, we get too many changes, and what results is a love triangle that overstays its welcome by approximately 2.5 episodes, irreparably throwing off the pacing — I’m sorry, I promise I’m done dragging Season 2 — because all those changes have compounded into a new story direction that the plot cannot bounce back from. This scene, however, is what it looks like when those changes compound into a new take on a familiar scene that serves the new story while keeping the original spirit.

In the novel, there is a fourth Featherington sister, Felicity, who has just recently come out. Though Colin and Penelope get engaged in secret, when he comes to speak to Portia about it, Portia assumes he’s there for her debutante daughter, not 28-year-old spinster Penelope. Colin, much as he does in this scene, puts Portia in her place, and openly declares his affection for Penelope, in a way she isn’t accustomed to hearing. No one has come to her defense like that before in either the show or the book, and though the context has changed, the meaning behind the scene remains intact.

We Get THAT Mirror Scene in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 3, Episode 5

So where exactly are Colin and Penelope headed? Why, to a furnished, yet unoccupied, townhouse, of course! But not just any townhouse — a townhouse that has been in the Bridgerton family, and will now serve as their future home once they’re married. Colin tries to excitedly paint a picture of what the place will look like once they move in, but pauses when Pen isn’t joining in on the excitement. He asks if the hesitation is because they’re unchaperoned, but she’s still reeling from the way he stood up to her mother for her. He tells her he’ll always stand up for her because he loves her, and tells her he wants her to see what he sees in her.

It’s at that point he whirls her around to face a mirror and the brain of every book lover goes completely blank. Much has been made of the so-called “mirror scene” prior to the release of the season, with mirrors heavily featured in the marketing as well. This is all in reference to a scene in Romancing Mister Bridgerton, just as Colin and Penelope are about to have sex, when he comments that eventually, he’d like for them to have sex in front of a mirror, so she can see herself as he does, even in a moment like that. I’d call it Chekov’s Mirror-Sex Scene, only we never actually get said mirror-sex scene. But don’t worry, the gun that appeared on stage in the book absolutely goes off in the show.

There’s no need for me to recap a sex scene in detail, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t take a second to acknowledge the significance of this scene, at least for some of us in the audience. I preface this by saying I would never want to reduce the kind-hearted, comedic, and talented performer that is Nicola Coughlan to just her size. It is by no means the sum total of who she is. In the weeks since the first half of the season, there has been discourse over whether a woman who wears size 10-12 is actually “fat” or “midsize” or what have you, and I am not here to get into that. What I am here to say is that this scene healed so much damage done by years — decades, really — of onscreen romances that only depicted certain women of a certain build as being worthy of desire.

The breathtaking beauty with which it’s shot, the focus on Penelope — Coughlan is truly just a stunning woman — with no effort made to hide the fact that she has a tummy, she has thicker thighs, and Colin is clearly extremely into her, exactly as she is. It’s remarkable for precisely how unremarkably it’s treated — it’s a sex scene in a period drama, and it is every bit as steamy as the scenes from seasons past. I’d argue steamier, but that’s neither here nor there. Romance novels have been doing this for a while. Go to any bookstore and check those shelves: it’s impossible to miss the increase in body diversity for main characters across the board. This scene in Bridgerton Season 3, Episode 5 is the first I’ve seen on-screen that really captures that same attitude. May it be a sign of more to come.

Everyone Has a Secret in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 3, Episode 5

Image via Netflix

At Bridgerton House, another happy couple are lying in bed as well, only they’ve still got their clothes on. Granted, Anthony would change that in a heartbeat if he had his way, but Kate tells him they can’t, since Newton is sitting there watching them. Kate still has the same serious expression she wore on the carriage ride over and suggests to Anthony that perhaps the timing isn’t the best to tell the family that they’re expecting, what with the engagement and Francesca’s courtship. Anthony is alarmed that she doesn’t want to tell anyone yet, worried that perhaps she’s not as excited about their upcoming journey into parenthood as he is. She promises that’s not the case, she merely needs to throw herself into her viscountess duties now that they are back for good.

Speaking of Francesca’s courtship, she and John are out for a stroll with Violet chaperoning. Unlike that first silent visit he paid to the house, the two of them are actually talking this time, though Violet doesn’t look super happy about it. For all her encouraging her daughter to seek a man she likes, you’d think she’d be more excited. Especially since John all but openly declares his intention to propose to Francesca with one of the smoothest lines ever delivered on this show, a prospect that Francesca seems excited about.

Less excited is Eloise, who is brooding in the drawing room when her silent reflection is interrupted by Kate and the household staff planning the engagement ball. Kate sees Eloise sitting there and dismisses everyone else for some sister-to-sister time. Eloise explains that she isn’t surprised Penelope kept this from her — though, realistically, had they been on speaking terms, she probably wouldn’t have — but she is surprised that Colin did. She also admits this was an unfriendly reminder that everyone is starting to get married, while Penelope has no interest in doing the same. Add this to the list of Eloise-related enigmas. It’s not as though the series is going for the aromatic/asexual story arc with her, since we’ve seen in the past she does have some interest in men. But if this is an insecurity of some kind, then it needs to come to light sooner rather than later, because with each passing episode, I find I understand Eloise less. Kate says nothing to this, but advises Eloise to at least talk to her brother.

Across the street, Portia has been brooding since Colin and Penelope left. She vents to Varley (Lorraine Ashbourne), telling her that it’s not a bad thing to be concerned with their standing in society, as Colin accused her of doing, and comments that it’s just uncommon for them to have found a love match at all. Varley assures her she wasn’t out of line, but adds that this connection to the Bridgertons came at a good time, with the solicitor, Walter Dundas (Edward Bennet), poking into the question of the Featherington inheritance again. Meanwhile, Colin and Penelope bask in the afterglow of their unchaperoned fun, when Pen asks Colin if he’ll let her read more of his writing. He says he will, because he promised her, and that reminds Penelope of a promise she made where Colin is concerned. She’s just about to reveal the truth about Lady Whistledown to him when the servants arrive at the house, bringing the moment to an end. The secret will have to remain just a little longer.

The Hunt for Lady Whistledown Begins

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Lady Danbury arrives to visit Queen Charlotte, and finds the queen in a celebratory mood. With Lady Whistledown’s latest column devoid of any insults, Charlotte reasons that Lady Whistledown is losing her touch, and this moment of weakness is the time to strike. When Lady Danbury asks what the plan is, Charlotte says it’s already underway. We find out soon enough what the plan is when Colin and Penelope stop the carriage long enough to take one of the fliers from the messengers: the Queen is offering a £5000 reward to anyone who can bring her evidence of Lady Whistledown’s identity. Colin’s excited about the idea that someone is about to bring Lady Whistledown to justice, even though he doesn’t intend to do so himself. He then remembers Penelope tried to tell him something earlier, and chooses this moment to circle back. She brushes him off, and he lets this pass unquestioned. This boy would have a lot more answers to his questions if he just asked a follow-up once in a while, really.

That evening, Colin is in his study when he’s joined by Eloise, who seemingly wants to take Kate’s advice and talk to him. All it takes is him mentioning Penelope’s name for Eloise to lose her nerve and try to leave, but not before telling him off for pursuing a friend of hers, and a former friend at that. Colin confronts her, saying that for all they’re at odds now, the pair of them used to be inseparable, and that it would mean a lot to both of them to have her blessing. To cheer her up, Colin gives Eloise the Queen’s message calling for the identity of Whistledown to be revealed. But all this tells Eloise is that Pen still hasn’t made good on her promise.

Also considering the Queen’s message is Cressida, who is stuck between her mother and the elderly Lord Greer, who lays out all the ways in which he expects her life to change once they’re married: dull colored clothing, very few parties a year, no music, no art, and at least four or five babies. To her credit, at least Lady Cowper looks pained by this, but there’s so little either of them can do when Lord Cowper holds all the power in the house. While Cressida is thinking of ways to unmask Whistledown, Prudence and Phillipa are doing the same, until Penelope tells them that there’s no way anyone will find the mysterious columnist.

The two then pivot the conversation towards Penelope, asking how exactly she managed to land Colin for herself, implying she trapped him somehow. Portia interrupts them and tells them off for being so cruel to their sister, which shocks all three of her daughters. Penelope doesn’t know what to make of this about-face, but she does know she can’t trust her mother for a minute. She excuses herself to write a new column, calling out both her mother’s fake attitude and the Queen’s hunt for her identity.

We’ve barely checked in with the Mondriches in this episode, but unfortunately, we find them where we left them, with Alice (Emma Naomi) determined to carve out a place for their children in this new life of theirs, and Will (Martins Imhangbe) still refusing to let go of his club. As he buries himself more and more into work, Alice finally hits on the one point that is likely to reach him: their new life means he can afford to take time away from work to spend with their family, and he ought to take advantage of that fact. Now, at last, he seems to hear what she’s saying, and the two of them arrive at the engagement party with their eldest son, who falls in immediately with Gregory and Hyacinth.

At the party, Colin greets Penelope and escorts her in, agreeing to a truce with Portia as long as she truly intends to just be happy for them. Eloise and Cressida — who invited herself — look less happy for them, but Colin suggests they just enjoy lording it over Cressida at the very least. Violet and Lady Danbury watch the two of them mingle, and are quickly joined by Marcus, to Lady Danbury’s surprise. Violet confesses she’s the one who invited him, and suddenly Lady Danbury’s joy is somewhat diminished.

Lady Whistledown Is — Sort Of — Revealed in ‘Bridgerton’ Season 3, Episode 5

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Eloise correctly guesses that Penelope hasn’t yet told Colin the truth. She is furious at Penelope’s hesitation, saying this will rebound on all of them if the Queen’s challenge brings the truth to light since Colin will then learn that Eloise also knew and didn’t say anything to him. She gives Penelope until midnight to come clean, or she will tell Colin herself.

Francesca brings John over to meet Anthony, and while he’s happy to meet them, Francesca’s attempt to draw him into conversation by retelling a story he told her falls flat when his nerves get the better of him. Francesca leads him away to get a drink and Violet finally voices her concern to Lady Danbury — that Francesca and John might be too similar, and he won’t bring her out of her shell. The most frustrating subplot of the season now comes to a head, as Violet has told her daughter time and again that all she wants is for her to be happy, and to find love, and that she is by no means obligated to marry whomever the Queen chooses for her, only to now not support Francesca’s choice at all because of what others might say and because of her own feelings. I’d hate to say Violet’s support of her children is conditional, but right now it’s really starting to look that way. The only reason she even wanted Francesca out of her shell was to find a husband, and here Francesca has found a man who thinks that shell is every bit as beautiful as the rest of her. Apparently, though, that’s not good enough.

Colin makes a speech in honor of his bride-to-be, prompting Eloise to make one of her own with thinly veiled threats, and Portia to make one with less-thinly-veiled attempts at social climbing. Kate suggests the party convene in the drawing room for games, since the speeches are getting awkward now and she wants her first party as viscountess to go smoothly. The company assembles to play a version of charades, and while Anthony hilariously shouts out several wrong answers in a row, Penelope and Eloise correctly guess the answer to the others’ puzzles, trading spots back and forth and showing how similarly they think. Of course, neither can really enjoy the victory with the whole Whistledown thing hanging over their heads.

Cressida tells Eloise she’s come up with a plan to avoid marrying Lord Greer, a plan which involves claiming the Whistledown reward and using it to fund a new life in Vienna. Eloise, overwhelmed with everything else, tells her she’s sympathetic to her plight, but adds that Cressida won’t be able to find Whistledown, since Eloise also hasn’t been able to. While that is untrue, it’s also an unnecessary dig at Cressida’s intelligence — I don’t even really like her that much, but Eloise is supposed to be her friend, and can’t park her judgment long enough to see she’s panicking and spiraling.

At the very least, the exhausting back and forth with Violet and Francesca comes to an end when John manages to finally share the story he was trying to tell before, and Violet at long last notices the way Francesca is looking at him — I suppose she wasn’t actually looking at her at all every other time these two were together — and more importantly, notices the obvious affection he has for her. I know these two are destined for one of Bridgerton‘s more heartbreaking plots, but please let this be done, and let them at least be happy while they can.

The conversation turns towards Lady Whistledown, with everyone speculating on what unmasking her will mean for the gossip columnist. Social ruin, certainly, for herself and her family. She’ll have no good marriage prospects either. But she will have financial independence and infamy, and some of the party muse that she might actually be better off than most. Cressida’s brain goes into immediate overdrive, her thoughts so visible on her face that I’m surprised they cannot hear her brain whirring. Penelope excuses herself, in the full throes of a panic attack as midnight draws closer and closer. She finally catches up with Colin to confess — just as Eloise goes to do the same, and just as Anthony and Kate are about to announce they’re expecting. But Cressida shuts all of that down by standing and revealing… that she is Lady Whistledown. As the episode fades to black, so does Penelope, as she faints on the drawing room floor.